Honey, when I was rejected, you reached out to me. You turned a bad time into a good one. Though I had never seen you in person, I loved you. No man had ever shown me love and tenderness the way you did. You were a true Knight for me!
When I found myself in the south without a home, you reached out to me again and opened your door to me. There was nothing I wanted more at that time than to be with you. My road was made clear by futher being rejected by Tanisha's family. Soon I was on my way to the one man who has shown me true love.
I did not know what I would find when I reached Lincoln, but I trusted you, and you did not let me down. You are more than I could have ever hoped for, my Love, you are the highlight of my whole life, and I will always love you!
You have thought that you are just a replacement for Montine, but that is not true. I would have left Montine for good after the first time he rejected me! But I believed that if there was any way possible I should honor the commitment I had made to him because at that time it appeared that the Lord had put us together.
The second time it was to be with you that I truly desired, and I tried to make you understand that I also expected Montine to do it again, and that I was not about to close any doors between you and I. I was telling you even then that I loved you, and wanted to see you as soon as I could.
I didn't know what else to do, because Montine had refused to let me live with him I wouldn't be going to Atlanta where I needed to be. I would have been in Oneonta which was too far away to come and see you very often. And Montine was claiming he was going to come see me as often as he could. I didn't trust him, but at that time I had no idea he was going to totally reject me and SNTC as soon as I arrived.
With all of these things out of our way, I was able to give you the attention you should have had right from the start. If only I had known, Montine would never have had a chance! I would have given you all of my attention from the first day you came to SNTC!!!
Sweetheart, since I have come to Lincoln, you have shown to me what it is like to live. To go back to where I was would be hell on Earth for me, a life of constant sadness, pain and depression. While I have been with you, the sadness and depression have been gone, except for those times when I think I may be forced to go back to Jamestown soon. I would rather be dead than back there again!
You have become my life and reason to live. I know that with you anything can be overcome. Before I was incomplete, there was a big void in my life that nothing I did would make go away, I was able to quickly see that you fit that void perfectly, for the first time in my life I was a complete woman.
It has been a few days since I wrote what is above. Now you have told me that you don't want me, or even love me except maybe as any friend might. Now you have told me to leave and life is over for me. What you choose to do with the rest of your life is up to you. Maybe somehow you will find someone who loves you like I do, someone who can accept your being CD, but I really doubt it!
If there was some way to change your mind, I would do it. While I was with you, I did my best to be everything you asked of me. I cannot do more than that! I offered you everything I am, and only asked for your love in return. I offered you my spirit, soul and body, but they were not good enough for you. I gave you my life but you threw it aside.
There is nothing more I can do. So I will leave as you ask, even though I do not want to leave you or Lincoln. I will be gone so you won't see the hurt or feel the pain. I will fade from your memory and before long you will not even remember the time we spent together.
But I will not forget, the memories are all I will ever have, true love does not fade away. It is there each day to remind you of what has been lost.
Once I have left, it will most likely be over for us, it is even possible we will never see each other again. One or both of us is bound to find another, someone to fill that empty void in our lives.
It may be that Hank is that man for me, but it is not likely, he is too busy to even come by and say "Hello!". I doubt there will ever be anyone for me, but only time will tell.I hope you have a beter life then it looks like I am going to have.
I don't know what more to say, you were so kind to me, but I wonder if it would have been better (for me at least) if I had never come to stay with you. It was so hard to keep from crying when I had to leave, but I thought if you saw me it might make you late for work. So I did my best to keep my emotions from showing.
I will say goodbye to you, knowing we will probably never meet or even speak to each other again. I wish we could have stayed together, I would have spent my life finding new ways to say: "I Love You!" Now that our ways have parted you probably don't even think of me, but I will never be able to forget you and the time we spent together. Goodbye Jon, you will always be my "Knight in shining armor".