"My Journey East"

        The Story Of My Journey East From California

        "Some Background"

        I was given information by the Holy Spirit one piece at a time during the early '90's. What I was given made no sense at the time. When I accepted that I was 'TS', I also began to understand what the Holy Spirit had been saying to me.

        I got WebTV in the fall of '98', and joined two transgendered Christian organizations: TG-Christians and Emergence. It helped to be in contact with others who were 'TS' and also Christians, before this I was completely alone with no one who understood me at all.

        Last winter, the folks on the Emergence e-mail list began talkig of an inter-net ministry which would have included a church, chat room and a physical out-reach. I could see that this new ministry was what the Holy Spirit had been talking to me about and was looking forward to being a part of it. But no one did anything except talk about it!

        This new ministry was too important to me, I couldn't let it be forgotten because others did nothing. The name I was first given, and thought was to be the name of my ministry was: Sierra Nevada Fivefold Ministry. But this ministry was to be directed toward the transgendered community, and I knew the name was to reflect this, so I changed it to: Sierra Nevada Transgendered Christians. I opened a forum and chat room on Delphi and began letting the folks on TG-christians and Emergence know about the ministry and when the chat room would be open.

        A few people came and went in the begginning but before long a very close family began to form. A strong bond quickly formed between three of us: Billie Sue, whom it is clear is my twin sister in spirit and soul, Montine who is kind of borderline between 'CD' & 'TS', and I.

        In normal life, a love and bond like we have does not happen often, and when it does it takes time to happen. It took less than a month between the three of us. Billie Sue and I have talked enough to be certain that the twin sister idea is no joke! While we can't explain it, it is the truth. We share those things common to all twin sisters. It is different with Montine and I, at first I thought he was 'TS', but as we talked and made plans for me to move to Newnan Ga. and live with him, Montine was clearly far more male than female. It was easy to fall in love with him!

        Tanisha, joined the three of us next. She is a very sweet 17 year old young woman with MS from Hillsboro Tx. Although she is not 'TG', she accepted us and became one of our family. She asked me to be her adopted "Mama", there was no way I could say "No!" to her. Ever since I was in my earily twenties I wanted a daughter, but knew it was impossible for me to have any children being an 'M2F-TS'.

        Now I have both a twin sister and a daughter, two of my life-long dreams fulfilled for me by our Lord. If only I can find a way to have SRS,and a man who wants me for his wife, my life will be complete!

        Not long after Tansha joinded our ministry's family and also became one of my personal family, Jon who lives in Lincoln Ne. joined us. Jon is a 'CD', when allowing his female side to show he calls himself Miss Joan Marie. A while back I was badly hurt by Montine, after the two of us being so close, he rejected me completely. Like a true Knight, Jon came to my rescue and did for me what no other member of our family could have. I love my sisters, but right then I needed a man not another woman! Jon set aside Miss Joan Marie and became the man I needed.

        Jon and I grew much closer during the next week. We had many long talks and sent each other a lot of e-mail. While Montine had first place in my life at that time, Jon became a very close second! I had not met Jon in person yet, but knew I would have no problem giving the rest of my life to him if Montine continued to reject me. I hoped to find a way to meet both of them.

        There are others in our ministry family like Ann and Bonnie who live in Dragoon Az. Ann is 'M2F-TS' and Bonnie is a normal woman. Bonnie is a dear sister who has chosen not to leave Ann and stand by their marriage vows. These two sisters have become an important part of our ministry and a good example of a marriage between an 'M2F-TS' and a normal woman not ending in divorce.

        While we knew from the start that I had to leave Tuolumne county Calif. where I was living, I had no money to move on. In May a form came in the mail concerning my father's death in Oct. 1998. A few weeks later I received a check in the mail for $1,333.33, my third of $4,000 owed to my father by his union. Suddenly the Holy Spirit had placed the money I needed in my hands

        Montine and I began to make plans for me to move to Newnan Ga. and live with him in his apartment. I went to A.A.A. and got the maps I would need and a travel plan for taking the southern route to Newnan Ga.

        At first I thought all of my dreams had come true, after so many years of praying and begging God to help me and seeing no results. Right from the start I was to treat Montine as my boyfriend or husband and he said he wanted to make it for real after I had SRS. He promised to make sure I had proper HRT, and my 'SRS' when the time came. I was so happy, I didn't know what to do with myself!

        Two weeks before I was to leave, Montine came into our chat room and called everything off. I was deeply hurt, I loved him as though he was already my husband! In a moment Montine had destroyed every good thing that was taking place in my life. Billie Sue stayed up and talked with me all that night. While this did not remove the deep depression I was in, it did help a lot. Billie Sue also got together with Montine and talked things over. By the third day Montine was able to see that he was wrong, and how much he had hurt me. Our plan was on again, I forgave Montine and continued packing as if nothing had happened.

        Everything was ready for me to meet Montine at the Skypark Airport in Phoenix Az., except for the last minute things like changing my address at the post office. Then only five days before I was to leave, Montine did it again, but asked for the weekend think it over. This time it was more than I could take, I started to leave the chat room right then and put an end to the hurt, depression and my life! I had my gun packed right in front of me and it would have been so easy to end it all right then.

        But Jon, Ann and Bonnie were also in the chat room with me. They had been such good friends that even in my pain, I couldn't walk out on them. Ann and Bonnie didn't stay too long, but while they were there they did their best to comfort me.

        Then Jon and I were finally alone, and for the second time Jon reached out to me with a tenderness and compassion that no man had ever shown to me before. No one else, not even my dear sister Billie Sue could have reached out to me that night like Jon did!

        I was beginning to understand that while different, my love for Jon was stronger than my love for Montine had ever been. Because I believed Montine was the one God had given to me to spend the rest of my life with I continued to hold on and hope that he would accept what he already knew was true and take me back for life this time!

        On Monday, two days before I was to leave for Phoenix, Montine said it was off, there was no way I could come and live with him, at least at that time. He claimed he was going to start receiving counciling for thirteen weeks to see if he was 'CD' or 'TS'. Everyone else already knew he was 'CD', but he continued to refused to admit it.

        "My Journey East"

        We all talked it over and it was decided that I would drive alone to Ann and Bonnie's house in Dragoon Az. alone (which I hate, and have a fear of). Then after putting the camper shell on my pick-up which Ann had found for me, Ann and I would drive to see Tanisha in Hillsboro Tx. and then continue on to Billie Sue's house in Oneonta Al. Ann would then fly back home to Dragoon. Jon wanted us to drive up and see him in Lincoln Ne. on our way east but Ann didn't have the time. I was to live at Billie Sue's until I could afford a place of my own, or moved to Newnan Ga. to live with Montine.

        So on July 9th. I left Jamestown Ca. and headed for SR J-59 which would take me to Merced Ca. and highway 99. Then go south switching to I-5 south of Bakersfield Ca. and on to Los Angeles where I would get on I-10. I was not looking forward to this part of my journey at all. I hate making long trips alone and this one would be over 900 miles, a 16hr. drive. It was bad enough when I was pretending to be male, but it is "Bad News" for a lady to be stranded in the middle of nowhere on the inter-states, or even to stop for some sleep at one of the truck-stops. So I planned on making the trip non-stop except for gasoline all of the way to Ann and Bonnie's house in Dragoon Az.

        As I passsed through Fresno Ca. I thought of Terri Main, she had helped me so much in the past months personally and through Emergence that I didn't want to leave Ca. without having a chance to say "Goodby" to her. But it was too early in the day for her to be home, she would still have been at the school teaching, so I drove on through without trying to call her.

        It is a long drive to the end of SR-99, but I finally came to I-5 and continued on to Los Angeles. I made it all of the way with only one small mistake changing from I-5 south to I-10 east. I had to back up a 1/4 mile to get on the right exit to I-10. Now there was no more changes until I left I-10 for Dragoon.

        At Tucson Az. I was so tired I couldn't drive any longer, so I pulled in at a 24hr. truck-stop and gas station, filled my tank and got a bite to eat. Then I pulled over and parked under a bright light and got three hours sleep. With the first light in the morning I headed for Dragoon again. I arrived on Sat. morning at the post office in the spot in the road called Dragoon at 7am. where Ann and Bonnie had asked me to call them.

        "Dragoon Az."

        It was a little early so I cleaned up a little and then gave them a call. They were happy to hear that I had made it safe and gave me instructions on how to get to their house which was not far away. I had been talking with them for quite a while in SNTC's chat room, but now I was about to meet them in person. This would be the first of SNTC's members I would meet on my journey east.

        They were everything I thought the would be and more, two people our ministry badly needed. They are very kind and loving folks, even more so than I had seen on the inter-net. We spent most of Saturday talking and getting to know each other better. Ann and Bonnie had stayed home from church to be with me

        On Sunday morning Ann went and got the camper shell one of her friends had given to me, then she spent the rest of the day repairing it so I would have something to keep everything I had in the back of the pick-up dry.That afternon, Ann told me she was too busy and would not be driving east with me, I would have to go on alone. After everything Montine had done, this was hard to take. I thought of turning around right then and heading back to Jamestown Ca. before I got any further from home. But I knew Tanisha was waiting in Hillsboro for her "Mama", and I could not disappoint her. She had enough hardship and disappointment in life without me adding to it. I also had my Twin Sis waiting for me at my new home in Oneonta. So there was no way I could turn tail and run for home now like a frightened rabbit! I had to overcome my fears and somehow continue on alone.

        On Monday Ann finished the camper shell for me, we unloaded the pick-up, put the shell on and then reloaded it. That evening Ann gave me the money she would have spent on the plane ticket home and I spent my last night in Dragoon. I would like to have spent a lot more time there, it was a peaceful place. Being desert, it was very different than Jamestown but I had spent enough time in the high deserts of Ca. & Nv. to be used to that.

        "Hillsboro Tx."

        I left Ann and Bonnie's house Tuesday morning around 10am, and began driving across what was left of Az. Before long I was in NM. This was kind of special, it was the first time in my life that I crossed the Contenental Divide. Something I always wanted to do but never expected to be able too. Of course I had always planned to cross it in Co. instead of NM. I stopped in a tourist shop and bought a couple of the little souvenier spoons for Az. & NM., a pretty key chain and an angel wind chime. While I stood waiting, one of the cashiers said: "No one's helped this lady yet!" That surprised me, I was wearing pants, no make-up and looked a mess from driving across the desert. But it did make me feel good!

        I was half way across Tx. when my dash and tail lights went out. I was not about to sit somewhere and wait for the sun to rise, being alone. It would have been diferent if Ann had come with me. So I hid among the truckers and made it all of the way through Dallas-Ft.Worth and on to Hillsboro without being stopped by a State Trouper! Folks couldn't believe I was able to drive across Tx. with no tail lights. I had to drive right through Dallas-Ft.Worth to get to hillsboro, so I hid among the truckers as much as I could. One of them seemed to understand and made sure to stay in front of me. He left once, but before long a truck went flying by, slowed down to my speed and pulled in front of me. It was the same trucker! I was gald to have him for a traveling companion.

        I arrived at the Kentucky Fried Chicken where Tanisha had agreed to come guide me to her house at 5am, I thought it was too early to call her so I set my alarm for 7am and tried to get a little sleep. Shortly after I called her Tanisha and her Aunt drove in. After a few hugs, she showed me the way to her house which was not far away.